


Quesadillas and new Captains

by Arewegroot



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Latino!Tony stark, austrailian!thor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 15:58:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17604431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arewegroot/pseuds/Arewegroot
Summary: New York City is a dangerous place and only brave and kindhearted risk their lives to keep this city safe.Or: the Brooklyn 99 au no one asked for





	Quesadillas and new Captains

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for we love tony stark Wednesdays on tumblr

It was a summer’s day in Brooklyn, and the air smelled like stale piss. The sidewalks and streets were filled with Brooklyners walking to work, none of them bothered by the yellow police that surrounded SAMMY’S ELECTRONIX. Uniformed police officers stood outside overlooking the perimeter as two detectives questioned the store owner and looked through the store for clues.

 

Or at least one of them were. 

 

“And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice,” A Latino man dressed in a ratty looking sweater, ripped jeans, and with his detective’s badge hanging from his neck said into a video camera that projected his face on to the wall of TVs that stood behind him. “We will not go quietly into the night! We will—“ 

 

“What are you doing, weirdo?” 

 

Tony quickly looked away from the video camera, the faces on the ten TVs doing the same thing 3 seconds later, and met the slightly judgmental look of his partner. Detective Steve Rogers looked like the complete opposite to Detective Tony with how he was dressed in a full work suit, perfectly combed hair, and for the fact that he was both buff and tall. Which Tony was not either of those. 

 

“I’m doing the best speech in cinematic history,” Tony answered, giving Steve a look that clearly said that it should have been obvious. He paused for a second to see if Steve would recognize what movie he was talking about and huffed in disbelief when Steve didn’t. “Independence day? The speech the president gives before they go and fight the aliens? Come on Steve, it’s a classic!”

 

Steve simply raised an eyebrow at Tony trying to play off the slightly amused look he had before he turned back to the store owner to review his notes with the man. 

 

“Store was hit two hours ago. Perps disabled the alarm—-“ Steve recited before he was interrupted by loud synthesized sounds of drums coming from behind him. He didn’t have to look behind him to know that it was because of tony. 

 

“Sorry!” Tony said, not looking as apologetic as he was trying to sound. “My bad.” 

 

“They mostly took tablets and cameras,” Steve continued. “I’d like a list of your employees, anyone who had access to the store. I’d also like to apologize for my partner. I have a theory that his parents didn’t give him enough attention while growing up.” 

 

Tony ignored Steve’s comment like he actively tried to ignore everything Steve said on a daily basis. “And I’m sorry about my partner's lack of skills because this was obviously a smash and grab, and we are looking for three white males all around their 20’s and with one who has tatt sleeves on both arms.” 

 

Steve shifted his weight onto one knee and gave Tony “the look” (one of his eyebrow raised and his jaw visibly tightening). “And how do you know that, dare I ask?” 

 

“I had a guy in the inside,” Tony said, forcing his voice to go deeper and more gravelly than it usually is. “He spent years here, in this sale bin, watching, learning, waiting. Rogers I want you to meet, Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy.” 

 

Tony’s impression of every tough guy TV detective disappeared as he pulled out a stuffed Teddy Bear with a grin. “He’s a nanny cam!” 

 

Tony plugged Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy to the video camera where he was able to play the footage onto the wall of TV screens. He looked at Steve, a smug look has found its place on his face, as the footage played showing the three men that Tony had described. 

 

Steve groaned, and his whole body slumped just like a three-year-old’s would when they were told they couldn’t have ice cream. “Ugh. You got lucky.” 

 

“Did I?” Tony asked. “Or am I just that awesome?” 

 

“No, you’re not.” 

 

“Well, anyways, we did it Fuzzy,” Tony said to the bear. “We have them. You can come home.” 

 

Immediately Tony shoved the bear closer to Steve’s face and dropped his voice down a couple octaves. 

 

“I don’t know if I can,” Tony said, acting as Fuzzy Wuzzy’s voice making him sound as if the bear smoked a pack a day. “I’ve been undercover for so long, I’ve forgotten who I am.” 

 

Steve tried to keep his face stoic as possible but couldn’t help the twitching of a smile forming on his face. The hint of a smile only encouraged Tony to keep going.

 

“I’ve done terrible things. I strangled a Mr. Potato Head with my bear hands,”—at this point Tony had started to fake sobs and Steve had started to walk away, having gotten too close to laughing, and he would be damned if he had given Tony the satisfaction. “God, what have I become!” 

 

—

 

It didn’t take long for Tony and Steve to find out who the three were and to track them down. 

“And with that,” Tony declared to the whole precinct as he locked the perps in the holding cell. He spread his arms wide, enjoying the fact that all eyes were on him. Tony was especially enjoying the annoyed grimace that had settled on Detective Rogers’ face. “Detective Lopez  takes the lead with 24 to 22!”

 

Tony takes a deep bow as the precinct was filled with “whoop”s and applause. He bowed a couple more times before he finally stopped and stretched out his arm towards Steve the same way someone would do when they were proudly presenting a performer. 

 

“Steven,” Tony said, his smile large and teasing as he met the man’s eyes. “If you would please.” 

This 

Steve got up from where he was leaning against Bucky’s desk and grumbled his way towards the debriefing room. Tony and the rest of the squad followed close behind, to watch Steve’s shame. As Steve reached for the eraser that had been placed near the portable whiteboard new teasing snickers and “oohs” filled the air. 

 

“God I hate this,” Steve grumbled as he erased the number that was under Tony’s last name, and replaced it with the number 24. “I hate this.” 

 

Steve harshly snapped the marker cap back on before he turned on his heel to glare at the still smug Detective Lopez. “And I hate you.” 

 

“Aw, Steve. That’s so sweet.”

 

Before Steve could say anything in retaliation, Detective Rhodes (or Rhodey as Tony liked to lovingly call him) rested a hand on Tony’s shoulder and held up his other hand out in front of him in a peace-seeking manner. 

 

“Alright,” Rhodey said. “I think that’s enough of poking fun at Steve. We should all start getting ready for the Sarge to come in and give his debriefing.” 

 

“Rhodes is right,” Natasha pushed her way forward to take a seat. She shoved Tony a little as she passed him, smirking at his protesting “hey.” “We’re at work, we have to take this seriously. Even if laughing at Steve’s misfortune is the most fun I’ve had in a while.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Nat.”

 

As the squad waited for the Sarge to enter the debriefing room soon started to fill as other officers began to enter. They all spoke amongst each other, talking about anything and everything to pass the time.

 

"I’m just saying,” Tony said. “If people are going to keep eating it, they should learn how to pronounce it.” 

 

“Oh my god!” Steve groaned exaggeratedly, rolling his eyes for good measure. “Tony, let it go!” 

 

“Not until you stop calling them Kay-suh-dil-uhs, Steve!”

 

Detective Rogers clenched his fist and looked like he was going to say something else to defend his undeveloped tongue skills when Sargeant Odinson entered the debriefing room. Thor Odinson was a tall, muscular blonde man dressed in a colorful button up shirt and suspenders. He paid no mind to his childish squad and instead took his place in front of the wooden podium.  

 

“Alright, listen up!” Sargeant Odinson boomed, easily getting everyone's full attention. “First, I want to say, good job to Detective Lopez. I heard you’re in the lead now.” 

 

“Yup!” Tony said, proudly popping the p, as Steve booed. 

 

“Secondly, we have a new murder.” Thor turned on the precincts TV and showed a picture of two white men dead on the floor. “The Mitchellson brothers were found dead in their apartment. There still is no obvious reason to why but that is your job to do. The whole squad will be on this, and this will be the new COs first priority so don’t screw it up. That is all.”

 

Before Sargent Odinson was able to leave and officially dismiss everyone, Detective Rogers’ hand went up. He waved his hand back and forth a little as if he was a third grader trying to grab the attention of his teacher. 

 

“Yes, Detective Rogers?” 

 

“Can you tell us anything else about the new captain?” Steve clasped his hands together in front of him. Steve was trying not to show how genuinely excited he was about this. He was failing.

 

“I don’t want to say much,” Thor said. “I’m sure that Captain Fury will want to introduce himself when he gets here. Any other questions?”

 

“Yeah, I have a question, Sarg,” Tony’s serious tone was so sudden that it caused his peers to give him their whole attention. It was only increased by how long a pause Tony took before he opened his mouth again. “What do you call an easy to make tortilla dish that is folded in half with cheese in it?” 

 

“A quesadilla,” Thor said without missing a beat, pronouncing the word perfectly even with his Australian accent. Tony quickly turned to laugh loudly in Steve’s face, the rest of precinct following closely behind. 

 

“Is Steve still calling them kay-suh-dil-uhs? Jesus, Steve! It’s not that hard to say.” 

 

“I don’t have enough control of my tongue to make the right sounds!” 

 

\--

 

After the debriefing the whole squad went back to their desks, going over their other open cases. They were all waiting patiently for their new captain to come in and introduce himself before he would send them out to the Mitchelson's crime scene. 

 

Well everyone was waiting patiently except for a certain detective. 

 

Tony’s desk was placed next to Steve’s desk, both of them facing each other. So Tony didn’t see a reason why Steve had to loudly roll his wheely chair over to his side. Tony looked away from his computer to come face to face with the excited smile of Detective Rogers’ and he couldn't help but roll his eyes at the other man.

 

Steve ignored it and settled to excitedly drum against Tony’s desk. “How do you think the new captain will be like.”

 

Tony made a face of disgust and looked back at his computer. “Who cares? I mean why did we need a new captain? Our old captain was great.”

 

Steve’s shoulders slumped down, and the corners of his smile fell into a frown. “You're just saying that because the old captain used to let you do whatever the hell you wanted.”

 

“And it was great!” 

 

“No, it wasn’t! It was awful! All you guys would do was play around and cause trouble.” 

 

“Yeah,” Tony said. “Like I said. Awesome. Now we’re going to get some boring old pencil pusher that follows everything by the book, like some boring robot.”

 

To make his point across Tony moved his arms away from his keyboard and started to make a bad impression of robot dance. Along with the bad robot impression, Tony changed his voice to the stereotypical robot voice similar to the robot maid from The Jetsons “Meep, morp, I am your new robot captain.”

 

“Are we going to have problems already, Detective?” 

 

Tony was so startled by a deep booming clue that he jumped up from his chair to stand in front of the newcomer, his new captain. 

 

“Uh…” Was all that Tony was able to stutter out, much to the captain’s displeasure and Steve’s absolute pleasure. “No, no, sir. I was just, Uh…” 

 

“Acting like a child. Yes, I saw that.” Under normal circumstances, Tony would have had said some sort of comeback, but this was the captain. His new boss that was actually really terrifying with only one eye staring him down. 

 

Captain Fury continued to glare down at him, but Tony tried not to squirm. He didn’t have to suffer under his gaze for long for the captain stepped away from Tony to move to the middle of the bullpen. 

 

“Attention,” Fury’s voice boomed. “I am your new captain. I hope that the rest of you take your job more seriously than Detective Lopez and that you all have better robot impressions.”

 

With a final look towards Tony, the captain turned on his heel and made his way towards his new office with a loud “carry on” to the rest of the precinct. 

 

Tony didn’t move from where he was standing at attention until the door was firmly shut behind the one-eyed man. Once he heard the click of the close door, Tony practically slumped back into his chair, closing his eyes in an attempt to stop the anger induced headache he had coming on. 

 

“Well…” Tony heard Steve say, and he didn’t need to open his eyes to see the happy grin that Steve probably had after seeing him get chewed out. He could imagine it perfectly. “Looks like you and the captain are going to get along just  _ fine _ .”


End file.
